Letting Go, Letting God

My mom often says, “Let go and let God.” Usually she says it at times I truly do not want to hear it. I’m a “get it done” kind of gal so stepping back to allow the Lord to work out a problem in His way is just too slow for me. Especially when it comes to something I want to happen sooner rather than later. Like the fact that I want my kids home from Haiti yesterday not a month or two from now.

This adoption has dragged out to 35 months without an end in sight, and the day came recently where I had to make a choice: keep fighting the inevitable thereby driving myself into a major depression or let go and find peace with God about the whole ordeal.

I chose the latter.

At first, it seemed weird; more like denial than finally letting go and trusting God to listen to and answer my prayers. Each day I grow more comfortable and relatively peaceful about the situation. I continue to pray for a speedy yet favorable outcome, but at one month shy of three years, I think speed was off the table many months ago.

I’m not saying I don’t have my bad days and moments where I feel the pain of my children languishing in an orphanage for many more weeks or months. I most certainly do have them. Putting the weight back on the Lord’s shoulders allows me to avoid languishing in the pit of despair so that I can find enjoyment in the happenings here at home.

“Letting go and letting God” does not make it all easier to do, it just helps to make it possible somehow for me to get out of bed in the morning and not feel so much like I have to do something, any thing at all, to get my children home. It is trust that the God is working, though I cannot see it, and allowing that to be enough.